I’ve just had 8 days of the worst depression and anxiety imaginable. Horrendous. Today it has finaly lifted. I wanted…

I’ve just had 8 days of the worst depression and anxiety imaginable. Horrendous. Today it has finaly lifted. I wanted to share a thread to help people who suffer but also non sufferers to grasp what it is. This is what depression feels like for me... (1/12) 🧵

I’m obviously not a doctor and despression and anxierty are different for everybody. Mine sterted 8 days ago just after launching Tina’s hospital. It was an emotional moment and my body just crashed. The first sign for me is always extreme irritablity...(2/12)

The tiniest things annoy me. A slow driver. A comment online. Taking an adoption photo like this. Things that normally don’t register with me at all. But I start getting so irked by little things. It starts to feel like the whole world is trying to get me to crack...(3/12)

A panic attack comes next. This is the feeling of the heart racing and breath getting shallow. 🫀 Hot and cold sweats. Extreme fear. 😰 Imagine the feeling of seeing a child hit by a car or something similar but it lasting for hours. (4/12)

After one or several panic attacks the depression kicks in for me. It just rolls in like a cloud. Everything is miserable. 😖 I can battle though a few days working or pretending to be normal. A small task like walking 100 yards suddenly feels like a marathon...(5/12)

But things get worse. It gets to the stage where answeing a phone call is impossible. The curtains have to be drawn. Even the sunlight is scary. The only slightly safe place is under the pillows. A simple whatstapp message seems impossible to answer...(6/12)

At this stage the body is aching. It’s like the worst hangover mixed with insane fear, brain fog, iritability, dread, feeling worthless and mixed with your mind playing tricks on you. For me It feels like I am in a black hole. I hate everything about my life suddenly (7/12)

A running conversation starts happening in my mind….Over the course of 20 minutes I’d think these sort of things... 🍺 Have a drink it’ll make it go away 💊 Just go buy some Valium / Xanax that’s what these medicines are for 😫 Why are you even on this planet. What’s the point. 🍷 Just have one glass of wine to settle the nerves that’s all 🇯🇵 Maybe I’ll just vanish to a country nobody knows me and I can be alone as that’s all I’m good for 🍕 Why have I let my diet / healthy living / good habits go. What sort of pathetic loser gets back into this state 👴 Am I really going to still be like this at 70. This is horrific. 🐕 There’s no point even helping dogs as there are wars / climate issue / impending doom everywhere so why bother 🍹 I’ll just go to the beach and have 2 cocktails and this 5 days of agony will be over in 1 hour It goes on an on like this. (8/12)

Anxiety and depression have social stigma attached. I’m very open about it when others can’t be but even I have to tell little fibs about whats wrong with me. Headache / Sore Back / Flu etc. It’s just easier than people asking if you are OK non stop. (9/12)

Your whole world feels like you are just treading water. It can last 1 or 2 days but like my latest episode it was just over a week. I’m very lucky I don’t drink or take valium anymore as that used to provide a short term fix but make an incident last up to a month...(10/12)

I share this because I feel like I have my perfect life (Dogs / live in paradise / true puprose in life etc) but I still suffer. Athletes, Movie Stars and people from all walks of life go through this but it’s so hard to talk about for many. I hope this helps...(11/12)

I’m lucky. For me It passes. I finally feel great today. But some people don’t make it out of some of those stages. It can be all consuming. It can be a very dark and hard hole to climb out of. It’s important to always be vigilant and talk. Be kind. Big love ❤️ (12/12)

This was Hank trying to cheer me up this week. I share a lot more openly and lots of happy dog stories on my insta. A follow there would be massively appreciated instagram.com/niall.harbison 🙏🥰