Today is the day. I’ve made a decision. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…a THIRD birthday candidate has entered…

Today is the day. I’ve made a decision. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…a THIRD birthday candidate has entered the chat: my Uncle 😫 More on that in sec. But to answer the big question, I will be attending both AUNT’S bday parties 🛥️😅 🔫 will update here 🧵👇🏾

James Rogers III@jamesearl23 · Sep 13, 2024

My aunts (who are twins) were gonna have a joint 60th bday party, but they got into a fight. Now they’re doing two separate parties on the same day and they’re asking everyone to choose 😩

As stated, the Aunts (twins) split their bday parties over a menu & venue disagreement. Auntie A’s will now be on a boat (going there first), Auntie B’s in the hood (closing there and crashing out). Well…

… My Uncle’s bday is in 5 days, so he decided Auntie B’s party is now a joint party for the two of THEM 😫

I’m less close to the Boat Auntie, but the other two are kinda jumping her with a joint party 😒 especially when one is her twin. So Imma swing by Da Titanic (it’s docked!) bc I hate to see sibling AARP bullying like this!

a few of you have asked where my mother (their older sister) plans to be, arguing that I should follow her lead. She said “the boat and the boat only.” 😂

As a nephew/not an elder, I don’t have the luxury of choice. I need every to-go plate option in good standing when Thanksgiving rolls around. Anyway, getting dressed now! 🌊👯

fit check 🛥️🤍 (dog staying home, can’t swim or fight)

uh oh. My mom just text me. 😭

so she’s not going to the boat party anymore 😭😭😭… please hold

well, that was quite the phone call. ***Due to unforeseen circumstances, my mother is now going to Aunt B’s house party instead of the boat….sooo I guess that’s where I’m going now

(she’s a Gemini I should have seen this coming!!!!!!)

and my mom has changed her mind again 😫😫 back to the boat

had to change 🤷🏽‍♂️ this fit eats too, more versatile (since I have no clue where I’m going. but I am WHAT? prepared! 🥳🎉)

stopped to get my Uncle a card + gift. I should write “Everything is not about you, Happy 59th 😒🎉”

Ok it’s getting late lmao. shit at this point where y’all think I should go? 😂

ASIDE: This just came on the shuffle, never heard it before but Meg, ya did that 🙂‍↕️😛

Sorry, lost the plot for a second. I’ve made it to my destination! And I’m at…

… Auntie B’s House Party.

My sister, however, is on the boat 😭she sending me pics oh they eating over there

it’s not too bad over the ghetto either 🙂‍↕️🍽️

I think I made the right choice! We finna have a blast! All seems well…

hmmm. I’m looking around. all the family is here (minus Boat Auntie and my sister— no one knows where my mom is lol). So I’m wondering….who the hell is on that boat?!!!

I called my sister lol apparently Boat Aunt and her husband have been off the boat for a while… I wonder if my AWOL Gemini mom is currently up to something…

🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨BOAT AUNTIE HAS JUST WALKED INTO THE HOUSE PARTY 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨

The twin aunts have gone into a room. They kinda loud in there 🥴. If anybody start shooting, im out.

They still in there. Meanwhile some random lady pulled me a corner: “did you know your grandmother had a breakdown? Yeah. She gave me your mother to raise for TWO YEARS.” Bet you didn’t know THAT. Nobody thanked me though.”😂😂😂

I put my ear to the door of the room with aunt in it and heard House Party Aunt scream “ONE MONKEY DON’T STOP NO SHOW!!!” I’m going back out front with my cousins.

they’ve come out and all is well! 😭💕 and now we celebrate BOTH of the twins at one party! (and my damn uncle smh)

my mom is here, drunk as a skunk. My sister is still on that boat 💕

and to conclude the tale, somebody (perhaps a cousin) just flashed his gun to my dad so he knew he was strapped tonight. All is well in the family 🔫👯‍♂️

Bonus: me and my dad!